It has been a few weeks since I wrote a blog. I try to write once a week. The reason for my absence is that I moved from Mexico, back to the United States. I have been really busy trying to find a place and get my life back in order. I have now found an apartment and feel blessed to have it. Before I got this place, I was praying to God constantly for helping finding a place to live. I was begging him for help. Then when he comes through, I tell him thanks, and the constant prayer stops. After I got this place, I should have been reverencing God as much as when I was begging him for help. Instead, I put God on the back burner and got to work with my own selfish desires. I was busy getting my new place set up, but I was also spending a lot of time being lazy. I was letting my mind wonder and I let it wonder a little to much, and I fell back into sin.
When I fell, I fell hard. Literally for like 4 straight days, all I did was indulge my flesh in wicked sinful desires, that I swore I would never do again. I thought I had the victory over these sins. It had been months since I indulged in some of them. Now I was spending hours on them. I thought that part of my life was over. I had gone several months not committing these sins, then bam I am right back into them. It felt terrible. I felt so defeated and guilty. I felt like such a failure and so hopeless. Like I would never overcome any thing. I felt like sin had a strangle hold on my life. Because once I commit one sin, then why not just go all in and indulge. That is how it always goes with me. I try so hard not to do these things, but once I slip in one area, I give myself permission to indulge in other areas. I do so because deep down, my flesh still craves these things. Even the great Apostle Paul wrestled with such problems.
18 For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh,) dwelleth no good thing: for to will is present with me; but how to perform that which is good I find not.
19 For the good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do.
20 Now if I do that I would not, it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me.
21 I find then a law, that, when I would do good, evil is present with me.
22 For I delight in the law of God after the inward man:
23 But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members.
This does not excuse sin, it is simply a fact of the human existence. I hate falling away because I want Gods blessings on my life, and it is hard to be blessed while living in sin. God blesses obedience and curses disobedience. I have had God's curse on my life for over 22 years and it has been like a living hell. I am so desperate for this to be over, but I can not seem to get it right. Any time I start getting some momentum, I stumble and fall. I just keep getting back up and moving forward. It gets very discouraging, I feel like my life will be cursed forever. Like I will never be good enough to be blessed. I lack discipline and I need to be more careful with the decisions I make. Succumbing to one little desire can lead to big problems down the road. I must be smarter and more discipline moving forward, that way I am not fighting my flesh. When I fight my flesh, I always seem to lose.
Another thing I hate about falling away, is that I let God down. I often have my words with God, over his treatment of me in my life, but I care about him. I want us to have a good relationship. One where I obediently serve him and he blesses me. A relationship that is mostly positive. Where I can feel his love radiating through my life and the people around me. I know that Gods love is more than just a feeling, but I know that his blessings bring peace and joy. Which is what I really want in my life. The devil brings utter misery which is all I have known for a very long time. I want to be pleasing to God. To show him that I have a discipline life. Through him, I can be the kind of man I always wanted to be. Not a sinful person who has no self control. I want God and me to be in strong fellowship, where I feel no ill will toward him. There was a time when we had that and I loved it. I want God and me to be good friends.
I must guard my mind moving forward. What I let in and what I entertain. A lot of the time trouble starts with just entertaining an idea. It is like playing with fire. God will let you get burned to teach you a lesson. So, next time those ideas pop up, beat them down right away. God will chasten (correct) his children for disobedience and it is awful. It is best to catch bad behavior right away and not let it go unchecked. If you are willing to confess sin and forsake it, God will not have to correct you (chasten). I realized right away that what I was doing was wrong and I continued to indulge. This was a bad mistake. I have now tried to straighten out and start living for God again. I have asked for forgiveness and help. I told God that I need to stop, but I can not do it on my own. The only path to victory is through God. I am not out of the woods yet, the urges are still there. I need to be strong and pray, to fight through it. Down the road there will be more temptation waiting for me. Satan never sleeps and he is always setting traps. I have to let the Holy Spirit guide me in all truth. He can show me the wiles of the Devil. I must also use my time wisely. Not aimlessly letting my mind wonder in laziness. That will lead to serious trouble.
I hope you enjoyed this article. If you are not a Christian, I invite you to get saved now. Tomorrow may be to late. To get saved all you have to do, is admit that you are a sinner and that Jesus Christ died for your sins. The only way to take away sins is with the pure shed blood of Jesus Christ. Good works can not take away sins. If they could, then Jesus Christ died in vain. Jesus died, was buried, and rose from the dead as payment for all sins. Once you believe that, you are saved forever. You did nothing to earn it and you can do nothing to lose it.
I Corinthians 15
1 Moreover, brethren, I declare unto you the gospel which I preached unto you, which also ye have received, and wherein ye stand;
2 By which also ye are saved, if ye keep in memory what I preached unto you, unless ye have believed in vain.
3 For I delivered unto you first of all that which I also received, how that Christ died for our sins according to the scriptures;
4 And that he was buried, and that he rose again the third day according to the scriptures:
16 Knowing that a man is not justified by the works of the law, but by the faith of Jesus Christ, even we have believed in Jesus Christ, that we might be justified by the faith of Christ, and not by the works of the law: for by the works of the law shall no flesh be justified.
5 Not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to his mercy he saved us, by the washing of regeneration, and renewing of the Holy Ghost;
8 For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God:
9 Not of works, lest any man should boast.